Why you don't want a dog...until you do

I have been a serious dog lover for as long as I can remember. I loved horses, too, at some point in my life (I distinctly remember watching a VHS on repeat called "Horses A-Z" and arguing with my mom about why we couldn't just keep a horse in our fenced in back yard). Once I realized, though, that owning a horse was essentially out of the question, I decided owning a dog was pretty much the next best thing.

This may have even been the first time we ever got a picture where we could see his face at all.

My parents weren't exactly animal people. We'd had a menagerie of small animals (fish, a bird, a cat) in an attempt to satisfy my dog craving, none of which really filled that hole in my heart. Finally when I was 8 years old, my parents gave in to this teensy black toy poodle. His name was Oreo (why I named a dog Oreo when he was all black is beyond me), and he is basically a tiny version of Padfoot. We had Oreo in our family for several years and ultimately gave him up to an elderly couple with a large property. My parents' idea of owning a dog was far from my dream of an inside animal to cuddle with and follow me around everywhere. It's pretty hard to feel like you own a dog when your interaction is mostly outside or in the garage, in my opinion.

Oreo is the pup in the top half of this picture. I couldn't resist a side-by-side comparison with baby Padfoot.

Fast forward to junior year of college: I finally reignite my obsession with pups and get one of my own. I was determined to own my inside dog (and finally get a big dog at that), and thus we got Padfoot on Easter weekend of 2012. He was a classified ads find bred by what we often describe to people as "a toothless man in Louisville who was on disability and decided he loved puppies so much he would stay home to breed them". Padfoot, despite his black color, is an F1b goldendoodle (mom is a goldendoodle and dad is a poodle, who was also black).

We've had Padfoot for over 5 years now, and things have really been great. We've had ups and downs. Anyone who knows Padfoot knows he's a ball of energy that's honestly a handful. I'm not sure if it's that I got a dog so early in life (I think only one of my college friends had made the leap before me), but lots of people have consulted me in some number of words in regards to whether or not they should also get a dog. I love talking about this topic, and the number one thing I tell people when they say to me "oh my gosh, I really want to get a dog" is don't do it.

Sorry, everyone. Padfoot has been and always will be for the Cats. We had grand plans to shave a mohawk in him with this jersey to channel Marcus Lee before he transferred.

Why you don't want a dog:

What? How could I possibly tell you that you don't want a dog?! Well here are a few things that I think are worth noting as drawbacks to owning a dog: 

• Say goodbye to quick weekend trips. I acknowledge that most people's dogs are much easier to handle than Padfoot (thanks, everyone for being nice about it though and pretending he's a good dog). However, baseline, it is at least somewhat of an extra step to think about compared to dropping everything and being down to clown for a quick weekend trip last minute. I distinctly recall feelings of frustration the minute anyone would come up with spontaneous plans to go to Cincinnati or Lex/Lou, and I'm sitting here thinking "ugh give me a second I have to get child(pup)care"
  
• You thought your food was expensive. Again, Padfoot has an absurd chicken allergy, and chicken-free food isn't exactly cheap. Still, when you add in the cost of all the other dog supplies, you better hope you are good at budgeting. You don't want to be skirting around whether or not to go to the vet when your dog is sick just because you ran out of money. If you can't afford the vet, you can't afford the dog. (for reference - after tracking his expenses for three years we spend between $1500-2000 a year on Padfoot. Not to mention a novelty upcoming vet bill for a dental clean and mass removal at a casual $800)
• How do you feel about bodily fluids? I don't care what dog you have, you will be picking up a lot of poop. If that's too gross for you - I hope you live on several acres of land. In the dog community it's extremely rude not to pick up after your dog. On top of the poop, every dog barfs at some point. They apparently have a more sensitive zone in their brains than humans that initiates that nauseous feeling. (Ours also thinks he is a cat and throws up 1-2 hairballs a month...)
• "Oh we don't allow dogs here." Finding an apartment that allows dogs can be extremely challenging depending on your city. Louisville, though it boasted many dog-friendly venues, had some serious hurdles when it came to owning a dog bigger than 35 pounds. And as Ron Swanson says, "Anything less than 35 lb. is a cat. And cats are useless."

So why did you even get a dog, Annie?

While, like all dog owners, we've had moments of regret at getting a dog - I was never not going to get a dog. I thought about all of those things above, and the struggle will always be worthwhile to me. Also, you'd be surprised how quickly you don't think twice about touching poop with only a thin lining of plastic between you and the poop (and don't get me started on things Padfoot has ever barfed up). After I tell people not to get a dog, I ultimately stress that they consider these things before jumping the gun. It's a huge commitment, and there's not really a better way to emphasize that. 

Why would anyone ever want a dog? Well:

• Who needs friends?! Ok, everyone needs friends. But seriously, for whatever reason your dog will always be wired to love you unconditionally. Like, actually unconditionally. Padfoot thinks it's the greatest day every when I give him a bowl of fresh water. Who can really argue with that kind of gratitude?! 
• Seriously, you'll have lots of real friends, too. Dog people, like dogs, are super social people. We have met so many people at the dog park, walking Padfoot, at dog events, etc. I have found that nearly anyone with a dog is far more likely to be very friendly and polite when you have a dog, too. 
• Dogs can't laugh - so they can't laugh at you when you ugly cry. I've been sad before sitting on the floor crying and nothing was more comforting that a lick to the face. Nothing. 
• Don't like cleaning floors? A dog is for you! This is more of a slight joke, but in all seriousness, it's kind of nice to never worry when you drop food on the ground. 

What I'm getting at here is that though there's so many drawbacks to owning a dog - training, feeding, picking up the poop, paying for the vet, the groomer, paying for literally everything else. I for one think dogs are far more than worth it. My sister recently had to put down her 14 year old toy poodle. We'd been sort of waiting for this to happen as Lucy had gotten quite old, incontinent, and with several other health issues. Even my sister, who is far less of a dog person than me, can attest to how difficult this was. They are part of the family - yes, I consider myself successfully somewhat of a "mom" (no I don't think it's exactly the same as raising a child, but a lot can be said about keeping a 60 pound predator by nature alive and not trying to kill you in your own home). 

I mean, this face, though.

So, yes. If at the end of the day you still want that dog - get it. You (probably) won't regret it. And if you're more of a cat person...yeah I can't help you here. 

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Our First Whole30: A Summary

If you follow either of us on social media you've likely noticed that we keep hashtagging and talking about something called Whole30. Admittedly this probably falls under the category of a "fad diet", and while I'm not one to excitedly give in to fads, we certainly tried it. Essentially, Whole30 is a diet involving eating "whole" foods: no dairy, no added sugars, no legumes, no grains. Why did we do this? While many people have mentioned that we don't "look like the kind of people who need to diet", I beg to differ. This was never about losing weight for us. This was only about learning better habits and overall being healthier. Also, with moving and graduation and life, we'd fallen into a deep, dark hole of eating a lot of fast food and a ton of sweets. Lots of people have asked our thoughts on this diet, so we found it fitting to summarize into this post giving us: 5 Questions About Whole30 (warning! Long post ahead!)

What, if any, were the drawbacks of Whole 30?

A: Probably the saddest part of Whole30 is how antisocial it sort of forces you to become. Either you have to say no to going out to eat or getting ice cream with people, or you go anyway and are the weird one at the table not eating or being difficult while ordering. Our current social situation of needing to make new friends really forced one of those two options on us. I struggled with passing up free lunch everyday provided by the Medicine department to stick with my Whole30 foods. I regretfully and painfully had to pass up getting ice cream with one of my fellow Anesthesia interns because of the diet. The other biggest drawback for me: meal prepping. Sunday nights for probably 2 hours we slaved away in the kitchen making all the foods for the week. It probably paid off in the end, but it took me a solid 2 weeks to stop whining about packing my lunch every night before bed.

Financially speaking, yes, we in fact spent a hell of a lot more money at the grocery store. I feel like I have a better understanding of why poverty leads to unhealthiness. Produce is so expensive. And, when you do buy it, you have a serious pressure to finish things before they rot. I think one week we went through 3 different versions of basil because they kept dying on us (as we simultaneously are attempting to grow a few basil plants). I would say we nearly doubled our usual grocery budget for the month. Ugh, not to mention having to make trips to not one, but three grocery stores every weekend, plus the additional quick trips Parker had to make through the week. Truly some of my friends started making fun of us "can you hang out? Or will you be busy going to every grocery store in the Triangle area?". 

P: So when it comes to drawbacks - there were several - lack of social life was a biggie, the amount of time spent washing dishes was another, and going to grocery stores 3-5 times a week was not fun. But the major key that I want to warn people, especially active individuals about, is this: I had a lot of free time during these 30 days, and I hoped to use them exercising and working on a general fitness level. Whole 30, however, had different plans. I cannot speak for everyone who has done this diet, but for me, all I wanted to do was sleep for the first 12-15 days of this diet.

There is a reason they tell you not to weigh yourself on Whole 30… I started off on day 1 at 140 lbs, by day 8 my weight had dropped to 132, and at day 12 I hit 129 pounds, my lowest weight since cutting weight to box at 127 when I was 22 y/o. My numbers at the gym dropped off as well. Day 3-15 I found myself panting after simple lifts, and legitimately thought I would pass out during a 3 mile run in 70 degree weather. For someone who enjoys being active, this was unbelievably frustrating. All I wanted to do was quit for the first two weeks. I was tired, hungry, and feeling like my weight gained over the winter was a wash thanks to this diet.

All of that being said - The purported 'Tiger Blood' is real - and my thoughts on day 30 are very different than my thoughts on day 12.

Honestly no one should buy this many sweet potatoes for just two people...unless you're doing Whole30.
Sweet potatoes = life.

What did you find were the largest benefits of Whole 30?

A: One of my biggest issues with eating my whole life has been bloat. Lots of foods agree well with my taste buds and then proceed to really hurt my belly. This has caused me a lot of anxiety related to eating and what I would probably clinically self-diagnose as irritable bowel syndrome. Probably one of the biggest benefits of Whole30 for me was losing that icky feeling after eating. No matter how much volume of food we ate, I almost always still felt great afterward. This was likely because can you really feel that bad after eating a ton of green beans or broccoli? In my experience, the answer to that question is no.

I can't confidently speak to the energy level boost being solely based on the diet. I am someone who thrives on tasks and being busy, and when I have free time to just laze around the house, as much as I like it, I feel heavy and lethargic. Going back to work possibly gave me the energy boost, but I can't say that the diet didn't help me in this manner. I do think sugar binges followed by crashes are a real thing. I couldn't work out until the very end of my experience - thanks to this bum ankle of mine. What I can say is that today, our first day off the diet, I was able to push myself a surprising amount further in my workout even through some pain to do more reps. Placebo or real thing? I can't say for sure, but doesn't hurt to credit that to Whole30. Also, unlike Parker, I've actually noticed no weight changes or body shape changes, for better or worse. But as I always say, looks don't matter, what's inside counts the most (not touchy feely inside, like blood work inside - cholesterol, blood pressure, blood sugar levels). Skinny fat is real, and it is terrifying.

P: As stated prior, my first 10-15 days were not fun. Annie literally pulled me through this multiple times with passive aggressive texts about me quitting or giving up… However, as the days progressed, and I learned how to properly fuel myself through workouts and how to eat enough whole foods to give myself the needed energy - I began to understand the hype. Whole 30 speaks of 'Tiger blood' - described by the company as a period where

"Your energy is through the roof, you’ve kicked the cravings, you’re experimenting with new, delicious food, and you’ve finally got the time to notice that your clothes fit better, your workouts are stronger, and you are generally more awesome."

My Tiger Blood experience wasn't a light switch or a single day - it was a gradual shift from day 12 (my 5k in which I legitimately considered diving in front of a car because at least then I could lay on the ground and/or a stretcher) to day 18 or so - where my numbers in the gym began to reach back to their previous numbers, and some even began to jump past where they were before, this while I found myself almost 10 pounds down.

Most of my weight lost seems to be fat around the waist and legs. I maintained most of my chest and shoulder size while slimming my midriff significantly. For me, this was one of the key goals, and the results are worth the small speed bump of the first two weeks.

What were some of the hardest things to give up or change?

A: The hardest thing for me to give up was obviously sweets. I love sugar/desserts/treats/all of the above. More importantly, I love baking so with what little free time I have left, I couldn't even spend it doing one of my favorite hobbies. For the most part giving up alcohol didn't bother me. True life, the "Asian glow" is real and it is due to a liver enzyme deficiency called alcohol dehydrogenase. I'm fairly certain I have this issue, and 9 times out of 10 I probably won't feel very good when I have more than one drink of any kind. However, I do really love a glass of wine with dinner or with dessert (ha) so this was a sad loss.

Interestingly enough one of the hardest changes was a psychological one. I had gotten very used to eating dessert after every meal and initially thought I could pull a fast one on Whole30 by eating fruit after dinner every night. Nope. Part of what this diet aims at is reshaping your relationship with food. Eating fruit for dessert was still triggering that dopamine release for my love of dessert in general. I was extremely grumpy about this for at least the first 2-3 weeks. "Can I eat this or does Whole30 say it's too delicious and enjoyable…?" The rest of the rules were easy for me to deal with. I don't like cheese that much (gasp!), unless it's Brie but that's expensive anyway. I don't like beans, and I can't eat peanut butter. Milk no longer mattered because I couldn't eat my cereal either. I certainly crave sweets less now, but I can't say I don't still have dreams about chocolate-y desserts.

P: We are relatively healthy people to start with - so when I realized the amount of restrictions in this diet I got a little defensive. I felt like (outside of the month of travel and moving before we started) I eat pretty wholesome meals to start with - and being forced to give up my Greek Yogurt, Quinoa, Rice, Corn, and Protein Shakes felt like elementary school being punished as the good kid for the decisions of the rabble rousers in class. But Annie and I discussed it and we decided it we were going to do it - we were going to commit.

My ONLY true craving was pizza and cheese. Pasta, Breads, Milk, Sweets - none of these are huge parts of my diet so cutting them was easy. But cheese… Zoodle Italian dishes weren't the same without parmesan. I actually ate LESS salad on Whole 30 because I don't really want it if I can't add feta or blue cheese for a fat/savory component. While there are some habits from Whole30 I will retain, I definitely look forward to re-inserting cheeses into my diet (and the occasional pizza)

Zoodles honestly do make a good substitute for real noodles. 10/10 would recommend.

What are your biggest takeaways from Whole30?

A: They say it takes 21 days to form a habit? Alas, it rings true. I pretentiously thought to myself "I won't be one of those people who's like: I finished Whole30 but now all I crave is Whole30 food". Lies. I am that person. Not to the extreme, but this is at least somewhat true. Turns out I like the ease and security in knowing I can eat a slice of breakfast egg bake every morning and feel great from it. I like knowing I have many options for a delicious and bloat-free hot lunch to bring to work every day. Don't get me wrong, I will totally be baking again, and I am very excited to reintroduce whole grains back into the diet. I am a firm believer that you can change your general food lifestyle with this diet. I now insist that we eat at least 2 vegetables with every dinner (we previously ate zero I think). I actually know how to eat things that keep me full - healthy fats found in nuts and protein punches from eggs. I don't need an afternoon sugar pick-me-up because I crashed from a sugary breakfast of cereal in the morning. Packing my lunch at night isn't the hardest/worst thing in the world, and it really doesn't actually take that long. Even if I waver in the future, I really do feel that my foundations have changed for the better.

P: Annie and I went to Sam's club on the final day of our diet. Before going I leaned over and whispered to her during church, "I can't wait to buy all of the non-compliant foods today…" This never happened. At the end of a fairly pricey trip to Sam's Club, we looked into our cart and realized the only thing non-compliant we bought was a 2 lb bag of quinoa, a gluten-free ancient grain.

After 30 days My biggest realization is that this diet really isn't even about immediate health benefits or the experience of the 30 days… It's about the changes you make afterwards. Whole 30's biggest impact is a radical shifting of your psychological relationship with food. Some examples:

1.) I no longer feel like I need carbohydrates first thing when I wake up in the morning. Instead, a healthy mix of fats, proteins, and fiber can start my day off in a way that both energizes me and sustains throughout the morning.

2.) I no longer try to cram down massive amounts of grains or carbs an hour before a big workout - instead, utilizing fats and proteins before a workout teaches my body to burn fat for fuel, instead of relying on the easily accessed energy stores of carbs. Natural carbs - from fruit and starchy vegetables - come afterward.

3.) Energy bars have stupid amounts of things you've never heard of in them… I'll stick to Larabars and RX bars from this point forward. Just to layer onto that - everything has added sugar in it. Or nearly everything.

4.) The grocery store has shrunken. 90% of our shopping can be done in the produce and meats section.

Would you recommend this to others?

A: Do I think this is a magical diet that will fix every problem you've ever had with health/eating/fitness? No. Do I think it's worth trying? Absolutely. People who work at clothing stores are offered discounts so they will wear the product they are selling. As a doctor, I feel like part of my job as being a professional is to encourage a healthy lifestyle by example. Really, please try it. Despite our drawbacks above, this really isn't as hard as it may seem. Certainly you need to schedule your 30 days conveniently - set yourself up to be successful. For my fellow interns/residents out there, a month of nights maybe isn't the easiest time.

Most importantly, even if you cheat during the diet, keep going. I can't harp on that enough. You're not a failure. You're not less of a person for cheating or indulging. Don't use that as excuse to stop doing the diet. Just jump right back in the next day and keep going. We cheated. We cheated multiple times on this diet, and I think that is what brings me such a positive feeling toward it ultimately. We cheated with control (no ice cream for me, no pizza for Parker). Even if you do slip here and there, you are still probably eating healthier than before you started, and that in and of itself is a huge win.

P: Even though I STRUGGLED through the first 15 days, I would absolutely recommend this to others for one key reason - After 30 days the way I approach food and the way I look at meal options has definitely shifted. Now that the world of food options are available for me again - I find myself not interested. The cravings for food I can't have subsided around day 20 or so, and outside of cheese and healthy grains, I lost any frustration at meal prepping and planning dinners.

So if you're interested in giving it a try - I strongly say go for it. But don't expect immediate results. Stick it out. Everyone's body is different - your experience will be very much your own. Also - if you do it - shamelessly post about it incessantly on social media. If nothing else it makes you feel like there's some social pressure to stick it out!

Pictured: Kale Dinosaur salad - easy, lasts a long time, delicious - recipe to come eventually. Also, that turkey burger hanging out in the back is compliant and from Trader Joe's (the best).

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Eno River

Despite what I said about the busy schedule of a resident, I do get 3 weeks of vacation each year. I also lucked out because I had my first week during the summer while Parker could still go on trips with me before the school year begins. While we contemplated various trips away, we ultimately decided that the best use of this free time was to actually explore our new home. Thus: the staycation.

I'm not much of a nature person, but North Carolina has so much to offer to the outdoor lover. Chapel Hill is conveniently located approximately 3 hours from the beach and 3 hours from the mountains. It's actually a perfect setup. We didn't end up going to the mountains, but we did find a nearby place to hike: Eno River.

Eno River is located more or less in the heart of Durham. We actually drove up to one of the access points West Point at Eno River, and across the street was a parking lot for a grocery store. Seriously I keep encountering places around here where urban area and wilderness are all but intertwined.

For the non-outdoorsy like myself, I can assure you that this was a very easy hike from our car - maybe 0.5 miles. The trails were well marked and not overgrown, and even my bum ankle could handle the slightest incline. Our end goal was to end up at Turtle Hole, a little swimming hole in the middle of the river. Right along the water there were some perfect spots to post up our Eno hammocks (no, sadly I'm not sure if this is what inspired the Eno company to name themselves as such). After some lounging and frolicking among the rocks in the river, we hiked back via another trail just to see more of the park. One of our last points of interest was a dam that people were walking across to cross the river.

Eno river is apparently huge, so I see many trips in the future to explore more of this nearby treasure.

We love our Eno hammocks. They fold up very small and are perfect for hiking/camping. Credit to Kirsten and Lindsey for subconsciously pushing me to get one. It's the best.

This is the dam as mentioned above. To the right the water was decently deep (at least waist deep).

It's a rarity that we ever get pictures together - thankfully we encountered this lovely family to take one for us. 

Truth be told, I was a little to scared to walk very far out on the dam so this was about as far out as I got. 

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Anniversary Festivities 2017 - Our first in Chapel Hill

Annie and I aren't big gifters, so if you're expecting flowers, surprise gondola rides, and diamond earrings, then you've come to the wrong place. An anniversary, to us, is a day to celebrate what we love most about our lives together. So in our first anniversary spent in North Carolina we wanted to take the opportunity to translate our classic traditions to our new home 8 hours east.

Above most pleasures in life we are believers in two things: Food and music. So the fact that our anniversary has become, in some ways, a fusion of those two things we love is no surprise. In transferring our traditions here, we sought out two locations: a record store and a new gourmet restaurant.

When we were approaching our first anniversary Annie and I were trying to think of a tradition we could create that was our own - something we could mark the years with while gifting in a way that actually meant something to each of us. We settled on our shared love for good music and well-designed album covers - thus our vinyl gifting tradition was born.

yes, that is Hall & Oates classic album, 'Voices,' in case you were wondering

We've marked several birthdays, Christmases, and Valentine's days with a gifted vinyl; but we never miss an Anniversary. Each vinyl is dated (usually with an added smiley from Annie), and added to our collection. I especially love this tradition because it adds nostalgic value to the gift. Every time we grab a vinyl off the shelf and pull the sleeve, the date reminds us of year it was gifted. This paired with the sounds of the needle on pressed vinyl often seem to bring back memories from that specific part of our lives, a sort of multi-sense time capsule no other gift really could really serve as.

We decided to fulfill this tradition this year by selecting a local record from School Kid Records in downtown Chapel Hill (for you Louisvillians, think Guestroom Records without quite as much of the digging). Every record they had on site was top notch (including the entire Tribe Called Quest arsenal and several Kendrick albums that I drooled over before putting back), with a healthy selection of new materials and an entire section dedicated to local music. After 20-30 minutes of browsing, discussion, and debate, we ended up with the new album from a Durham band that we both already knew and loved, Sylvan Esso: 2 days later it's already on it's third run-through on our player.

Our next move was our traditional dinner at a new restaurant. We typically select something we wouldn't do on an average night out, and we order whatever we want on the menu. We look more for local culinary artistry over one quality staple. Think 610 Magnolia, Husk, or Coles over Ruth's Chris, Jeff Ruby's, or Vincenzo's.  Our previous two anniversaries included Rye in Nulu, and Lilly's Bistro, a Louisville classic.

This year, after a quick stop for pre-dinner drink at West End Wine Bar, we found ourselves at Lantern, a fusion of Asian flavors and North Carolina ingredients. Lantern is headed by Andrea Reusing, a James Beard Best Chef award winner in 2011, and a local farm-to-table advocate. The crab and spicy pork spring rolls were possibly the best part of the meal (Annie would of course disagree and say dessert), while both of our fish dishes were prepared to perfection with an impressively delicate mix of flavors.

While the food itself is a vital part of the evening, the experience is what we remember about these dining experiences. Similarly to our records, we want to be able to revisit those experiences and document them in a way that's meaningful to us. We've been able to do this through menus. An absolute necessity with our anniversary restaurant of choice is that they have a daily printed paper menu. Over time, we hope to fill our kitchen walls with our favorite food experiences, and those dated as July 12 will always come with a special nostalgia.

Anniversaries don't have to be a light and sound show every year. For us, the experience of a good album and well-prepared food are enough to remind us again why we said 'I do' in the first place. If I have any advice for others, it's find what makes you 'you,' and spend your anniversary celebrating that. Whether it's a TV series, a book, love of dogs, travel, live music, or even lavish gifts, celebrate that. It's a beautiful reminder of what makes your relationship unique.

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Marriage, Moving, and My Wife: A Reflection after Three Years

Today is July 12, 2017. Exactly three years ago today, July 12, 2014, was the best day of my life.

I've spent the last few weeks watching Annie excitably develop and organize this blog, consistently using phrases like 'us' and 'we' and 'our' in reference to it. I've caught the hints, the urgings, and the not-so subtle reminders that I am wanted to be an active part of it. That this experience is about documenting our lives together, not just hers. And I've struggled with this premise. While there are several reasons I haven't posted yet, one jumps out at me the most. 

I wish I could tell you today that I held off on posting anything because I wanted to save it for our anniversary - for a surprise post. But alas, that would paint myself in too kindly of a light. No, I feigned non-interest in it due to one of my most glaring shortcomings as a husband, and often as a friend: The mindset that any idea that isn't mine, or in part mine, must not be that good of an idea. 

I fight it. I'm aware of it.

But I can feel the pangs of it rear up anytime my gut doesn't want to go along with someone else's vision or plans.

With that weakness in mind, I hoped to use this post as a way to expose and challenge my own weaknesses while reflecting on how it is that after three years Annie still wakes up in the morning and chooses to call herself my wife.

So, Annie, while I am directing this towards a wider audience, know that, like every other anniversary since our first in 2010, these words are ultimately for you.

_ _ _

Your elders will tell you the first years will be easy. They will tell you the first years will be hard. After three years, I can't speak as a seasoned veteran, only as myself, but what I believe is this:

Marriage is not something to be spoken of as an adjective (easy, hard, smooth, stressful). Marriage, when done correctly, is just a way of being. A form of existence. A state change. Marriage is the coming together of two ingredients to create something new. It is a conscious decision to give up part of your old identity in search of something better. Which brings me to my ultimate point:

Be sure of the person you are marrying. They permanently alter who you are.

Our generation is obsessed with the subjective. Obsessed with the gratification of self. We are told by every media outlet, inspirational blogger, Instagram post, and TED talk that our life's purpose is self-actualization. We as millennials have committed fully to the premise that in seeking out our ultimate self we best fulfill our purpose in the world. While the underlying principle of this is good, I would argue that this makes modern marriages more and more difficult.

Self-actualization and finding your purpose are noble pursuits. But they are ultimately egocentric - they center around the self. The reason I think so many young marriages fail is because we refuse to sacrifice any of ourselves. We are convinced that giving up part of ourselves would weaken us, make us lesser. But we fail to realize that in giving up part of ourselves we make room for part of someone else.

In my own life, the hardest part of this for me has been giving up absolute control. I prefer to control every aspect of my life - my look, my public image, my diet, my fitness, I like to know that I am directing where things are going. But in marriage, you are now not just attempting to control the trajectory of one, but two. Over three years of marriage I have struggled with this premise.

When Annie began her process of searching for Residency Programs I told myself that I was excited - a new opportunity! But to be honest - the idea freaked me out: A rank list and an algorithm would decide where I would spend the next four years of my life. That same algorithm would be telling me that my wife had a direction for the next four years while my own would be pulled out from under me. I would be expected to find something else somewhere new.

Looking back, I failed to be there for Annie for much of this experience because of my own fear. Instead of openly discussing my fears and control-issues, I checked-out. Told Annie to make the decisions, rank locations, and pick apartments. "I'm good anywhere!" "I'm easy to please!" "I can teach anywhere!"

 If I couldn't control everything, it seemed in the moment better for me to control nothing. At least then I could blame someone else if things did not go my way.

It wasn't until Annie brought it to my attention did I realize what I was doing. Only then did I realize the mistake I was making. In struggling to see my own purpose or direction I was failing to seek out OUR direction. While thinking of what's best for the collective US does not come so naturally to me, Annie astounds me in her ability to consider my needs. I thank God for that.

I ultimately had two choices. Either I could hold onto my own desires and identities, let my frustration at lack of control seep into our marriage. Or I could decide to sacrifice part of my own self in the interest of the collective US. 

The beauty of all of this is that I didn't have the strength to make the correct decision on my own. I know what the right thing to do is. But I needed Annie to get there. In opening up, sacrificing myself, I make room for her. I ultimately become better. A better husband, yes. But this growth seeps over to all parts of my life. A more loving son, a more empathetic teacher, a more dedicated citizen...

Be sure of the person you are marrying. They permanently alter who you are.

I am a different man today than I was July 12, 2014. I am a different man today than I was January 1, 2009. Three years of marriage, eight and a half years of being together - I am the man I am today because of her.

While yes, I've sacrificed parts of myself to make it to where we are today, I've maintained my core principles - passion, drive, inspiration. I've grown and developed those and I've even sharpened them against Annie's determination, brilliance, and commitment. We sacrifice part of ourselves to become a stronger self as a part of a whole.

In short: Without Annie I am not sure of the man I would be today - but I'm absolutely sure that I don't want to find out.

Footfalls echo in the memory

Down the passage which we did not take

Towards the door we never opened.

-TS Eliot

Annie - Thank you. I love you. For as long as is meant to be.

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Whole30 Breakfast

As is fairly obvious via my social media presence, Parker and I are somewhere in the midst of doing a "Whole30". If you're unfamiliar with this diet, you can find the general premise here. The gist is essentially a diet of "whole" foods leaving out dairy, grains, legumes, and added sugars. The biggest challenge we foresaw prior to starting was breakfast. Think about it. What do most people eat for breakfast? Cereal (grains + dairy + hella sugar). Bagels (grains + sugar). Oatmeal (grains...though arguably healthy so I felt defiant about this breaking a rule, but we will get to that another time). So what's left? I mean no one has time to fix themselves scrambled eggs every morning. Especially me. I love sleep too much. But then, we found this miracle of a solution: the breakfast bake. So, I wanted to share this recipe with everyone in case they were hesitating about Whole30 solely because the breakfast conundrum (although let's be honest, there's about 100 other reasons to hesitate about starting Whole30; again, more on this later).

Frankly, like most recipes, I found several variations of this recipe just by searching for Whole 30 breakfasts (this was our go-to for most meals throughout the month and most meals in general). My point being: you can google almost any combination of ingredients and find a recipe for them. That really should be cooking tip #1 for millennials.

Though the baker in me loves precision, this is one thing I like to cook that I actually allow myself to be a bit more liberal with amounts - hence why the ingredient list is so vague. You can really sub out any of the veggies with other veggies as well. If you don't like broccoli, add some yellow squash or red peppers instead. Make it your own.

I know cutting can be tedious and intimidating. There's no right or wrong way to chop vegetables (short of you cutting yourself). I think maybe you can pull this off with pre-chopped frozen vegetables, but I haven't tried it so no promises. I personally find chopping vegetables really cathartic, and I think the time is worthwhile when it takes me 2 hours on a Sunday night making this but only 45 seconds in the microwave every morning.

Cooking things in cold oil contributes to making them greasy so make sure your oil is quite hot. You can throw some onions or something in there and see if it sizzles to check. My mom used to tell me the traditional Chinese way to tell if oil is ready is to put the back of a wooden spoon in the oil. If it bubbles, your oil is ready. I have yet to prove this one wrong.

Definitely wait to add your spinach until close to the end. Again, I don't have a specific time, but just feel it out - a few moments before you are done cooking the veggies Spinach needs to wilt a bit when you cook it but not too much or it becomes soggy and slimy.

I know 12 eggs sounds like a lot (it is), but eggs are very cheap. We would buy 36 eggs at Sam's Club every week during our Whole30. 12 would go to this bake, and at least a half dozen or so would be hard boiled for mid-week snacks.

I usually give it a little stir once everything is in the baking dish prior to putting it in the oven, just to even things out.

Congrats! You have breakfast for two for the next 6 days at least (I cut it into 12 pieces). It's very good with a bit of hot sauce on it (compliant of course), and I also eat a banana with a little almond butter. I can honestly say this actually keeps me full until lunch. Enjoy!

Our Whole30 Breakfast Bake

Ingredients:

1 Tbsp or so of olive oil

Enough butter (or ghee* if you're being very Whole30) to grease a 9x12 baking dish

1 zucchini

1 small(ish) floret of broccoli - basically not too much, not too little; guesstimate based on my picture

1 green pepper

1/2 white onion

1 fairly generous handful of spinach

1 handful of mushrooms

3 links of Aideills Chicken Apple Sausage (it's one of the few with no sugar added)

12 eggs
Salt and Pepper to taste

*ghee is clarified butter, basically butter without the milk fat

Directions:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease your baking dish with butter/ghee* coating the bottom and sides. Dice all your veggies into small enough chunks that are desirable to you - think about how you want your casserole to be. Slice sausages into circles or semi circles, either works. Using a large skillet/pan/wok, drizzle some olive oil to coat the bottom and heat. Sauté your veggies (except the spinach) until they are soft and tender - onions are more translucent and the broccoli has become a little more rich in color. Add spinach to veggie mixture and allow to wilt. Place veggies in a bowl and set aside. Sauté sausage pieces until a little browned. Combine sausage and veggies and spread them out in your baking dish. Whisk all eggs in a separate bowl. Salt and pepper eggs to your liking and pour over the veggies. Bake for 45 min or until the edges of your casserole are peeling off the edges of your pan.  

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The Intern Life

[Pictured above are some fabulous fresh doctors out there saving lives and taking names.]

As it turns out, a large majority of the world is fairly unaware of the steps required to become a full-fledged, practicing physician. This fact has surprised me time and time again, regrettably, making me realize I have my own ignorance to address. Just because people have bodies and see doctors, doesn't necessarily mean they should know as much as I do about the medical field and the path to becoming a doctor. I've had this conversation several times with friends, and I work really hard to remind myself of everyone else's perspectives. I happened to grow up in a very medical family - it was the norm for me since the age of 6, maybe, that someone was missing on holidays because they had to work. The reality that this is now going to be my life is slowly sinking in.

So. For the purposes of setting the stage for what I'm sure will be several posts to come, here's a little run down of what I would refer to as: "The Journey to Doctoring"

1. Congrats! You've finished 4 solid years of college. Likely you were a dedicated (enough) student with ample leadership activities, volunteer work, grades, and MCAT score. You surely had a "busy" schedule with "no time to do anything" because of meetings and social activities. Everything is relative. We've all been there, and we are all here now in our mid to upper 20s laughing at our youthful selves. I won't delve much deeper into the details of that first huge and painful hurdle of getting into med school. For all intents and purposes, we will pretend that this step was easy. More on this another time. 
2. Four years of med school fly by. First you suffer through 2 years of pre-clinical work full of hyper speed information cramming and the unspeakable Step 1 exam. All of this followed by a (pseudo) light at the end of the tunnel called 3rd year where weekends don't exist and working 60-80hrs/week isn't that absurd, depending on the rotation. Finally, the world laughs at you in fourth year where rotations don't (really) exist and you blow all the fake student loan money you have on traveling across the country to interview at residency programs. All of this time, energy, and effort only to ultimately learn where you'll spend the next 3-7 years of your life via an algorithm that functions eerily similarly to sorority recruitment. LOL. Cue Match Day, the equivalent of the celebratory Bid Day, when you and all your friends (and family members often) get to open an envelope filled with a simple sheet of paper determining your future. T-minus 3-ish months for you to pick up your whole life and move somewhere, and suddenly you find yourself a cool 7+ hours away from the nearest friend or family member you know.
3. You've graduated med school! You're a doctor now! But wait...are you though? After med school they don't just let you go out into the world and go buck wild writing prescriptions and doing surgeries. Every new doctor has to go through some form of Residency training (lasting anywhere from 3-7ish years) to actually figure it all out. Think of this as on-the-job training. I think I best related this to Parker's life as the student teaching portion of his grad school experiences. Gone are the days of lecture halls and tests (though we still have plenty of tests and lectures - now called "conference" for reasons still unknown to me). In come the days of long, long, long work hours and real, though not quite doctor-sized, paychecks. Universally, the first year of your residency is affectionately called Intern Year. Wait, why are you an intern? I thought you were a resident? Yes. It's confusing. I don't have a good explanation for it either. What I can say is that for me at least, my intern year in an Anesthesia residency involves little to no anesthesia. I spend a month at a time with different specialties (medicine, pediatrics, surgery) learning the tricks of the trade - basically learning to actually be a doctor. I do this for a year, and, barring I survive (this is sort of a joke but not really...), my next 3 years of residency will focus solely on Anesthesia. 

But don't be fooled by any semblance of confidence I might try to put out there - I'm really quite anxious over here. I've written a few notes and put in a few orders, and there is nothing quite like that "drunk with power" feeling of uncertainty that I can actually sign my orders, my notes without someone looking at them first. [Those not in medicine: rest assured there are about 1000 different safety nets for our patients of course.] Here I set the stage for documenting what will surely be a wild ride of stress and emotion, and I'm hoping blogging about it all will somehow help me cope with that. More to come! 

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Hello there.

Hi, everyone. Coming to you from Chapel Hill, North Carolina, this is Annie and Parker trying out this blog life. I (Annie) have avoided things like this because I've spent a lot of time overwhelmed with the insecurity of being too cliche. I am constantly conflicted with hearing whispers of social media being a detriment to society, and I therefore subconsciously police myself and my social media presence. Am I posting too much? Am I not living in the present? Am I obsessed with maintaining an image that is some falsification of what my life is truly like? 

In growing into [young] adulthood, I've learned at least a handful of things:

1. If you don't like beer, that's ok. You don't have to pretend to like beer because everyone else does. In fact, you can have just as much fun at a brewery (which are super hip right now) as everyone else without liking beer. 
2. Comfort before everything when it comes to clothes.
3. Meal planning is worth it.
4. You actually will be happier if you stop giving a f@$%.

I personally am not sensitive to vulgarity, but I know people out there are (and that's totally cool). But that last point really hasn't set in with me as much as I would like it to. Sure, I see plenty of people on social media confess the torment of "maintaining a presence" and "branding" themselves. I have no desire to get involved in any of that. What I do want to do, is try to learn to better express myself, maybe give someone out there a little tiny piece of insight, and keep a virtual documentation of things that are important to me for my future children (or even just my future self).

Relocating to North Carolina has been arguably the biggest life change that Parker and I have ever experienced, so what better time than now? And, to really lean into my #4 as listed above, if you want to judge me for making a blog - do it. I need to learn to be myself and not care. That said - welcome. Hopefully we can document some of this exciting time of our lives and share it with people.

-A

Photo by Lang Thomas Photography

This is our life.

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